Slow Deli #0: Starting Block

Kick, push

Having established my taking-my-time bona fides with a twenty-ish month break between posts, I feel that I owe (both of) my subscribers an update.

I imagined this project as a way to be myself in public in a way that my other professional and organizational commitments didn't allow me to be. Once I started thinking about that, though, a litany of fears emerged: what if my whole self isn't what anyone wants? Or even if it is, what if the compartmentalizing and compromising that are required in so many areas of contemporary life have caused me to forget how to be my whole self, and all I can do is perform a version of it for an audience, real or imagined? What if the mismatch I feel between performer and performance is inescapable, even on a personal blog site where I'm beholden to no one?

Well, all the world's a stage after all, so I guess if I'm feeling limited by the part I have to play, I'm probably not alone. I read a lot of other blogs and newsletters, and have seen writers I admire discuss their own struggles and the compromises that they have to make in order to be themselves in the world. As long as I'm not alone, then I might as well be myself as best I can under the circumstances.

The trouble I've been having is in getting started. I fire up the blogging machine, and encounter a block. The blank screen invites expression, but it doesn't provide much in the way of direction. I need something to push against. With some effort, it's my hope that a block can provide a starting point just well as it can stop.

Here at the Slow Deli, I'm not just the performer of the role of Justin, I'm also the director and the theater owner and the commissioner of the work. I hope to eventually have more subscribers as stakeholders, but for now at least I'm also most of the audience, so I'm going to write to please myself first. What would please me most at this point is publishing anything at all, so here is the first step in the journey. Here's a block to tell me where to stand, and in which direction to aim my performance.

Look for an update to come about a new project, as well as more entries in the main Slow Deli series. I've decided to number the issues like comics, and like one of my favorite newsletter writers does.

Thanks for reading.